Heal The Parent, Heal The Child

This is one of the most powerful blogs that I will ever write. In this blog we will discuss establishing healthy attachment bonds with your baby. I consider this one of the most important steps to becoming a parent and doing the work on yourself before your baby arrives so important.

There is a lot of introspection parents should do before they bring another human being into this world. Basically, it’s about taking a look at yourself, and understanding your own attachment style. You might be thinking what is she talking about exactly? What is she referring to?  If this is new to you, then let’s explain.

 

Types of attachment styles 

I’m talking about the emotional attachment styles in our relationships with other people. These attachment styles are learned through bonding with our parents as early as the first year of life. I consider this work so important because we have to know how we, as parents, affect our children.  

For those parents who are reading this and already have children, I still want you to stay tuned in because this is not just for new and expecting parents. This is also for any parent who wants to have a good relationship with their child and wants their child to also develop a secure attachment bond. 

Now that we cleared that up let’s take a moment to figure our own attachment style.  There are basically three attachments styles.  They are secure, avoidant and anxious-resistant.  You can read more about these here: These are the 3 types of attachment styles — and how each affects your relationships 

Studies on babies have shown that they develop these attachment styles in the early stages of life, from birth to twelve months.  It starts off with the parent child bond. Every baby needs three things from their caregiver.  You should be available to them, accessible and attentive to them.

Providing this makes a baby feel like they are loved, secure, and confident. As parents we want to provide this to our kids so they learn to have secure attachment styles in their own relationships.  Learning how to do this for your baby is exactly what we teach in the digital program and elaborate even more in the membership.

 

 

If you are ready to do some work on yourself, this is the perfect opportunity to do it! By understanding your own attachment style, you will learn more about yourself and your relationships. I also believe this will help you figure out what kind of parenting style you would like to adapt, because parenting is about nurturing a relationship between a caregiver and a child.

By taking these steps you will be providing the best foundation for your baby, remember that your baby is not going to be a baby forever. They start as a baby, then a toddler, and grow into a child, at a blink of an eye.   Let’s take responsibility for being good examples to them by nourishing our relationships with them.

We want our children to feel loved by us. We want them to know that they are safe and secure in the environment that we are providing for them to grow in.  I know you want your little one to thrive in this world.   

I wholeheartedly believe that by healing the parent we will heal the child. This is how we break unhealthy cycles. We have to be honest with ourselves, learn about our own parents, and learn about our past.  Healing ourselves so that we make better decisions for our family.  It is not easy work to do and it requires courage and bravery. 

Many people don’t want to think about their past because a lot of painful, scary memories and emotions may emerge when you’re doing this sort of work on yourself. This is why it’s important to do it with someone who’s a trained mental health professional.  It’s important for parents to understand that having support and guidance is not selfish. This is probably one of the most mature decisions that you can make for yourself and your baby.

 

What does it really mean to be parents?

Parenting is not just about providing food and shelter. There’s a huge component of emotional well-being and love, and I truly believe this is what being human is all about being curious enough to understand that we’re not perfect and having space for self-acceptance, is part of the human experience.

Learning how to forgive ourselves is so important because we oftentimes feel like we’re failing, especially once we become parents. Be patient with yourself because parenthood is a learning curve but together, we will get through it!

If you are envisioning yourself as a parent now, and you want to be prepared when your baby comes, listen to the previous episodes of the podcast Dancing Into Parenthood, which covers important issues you must be aware of as a parent, plus a lot more!