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March 2, 2022

The Top 5 Questions Every New Dad Asks Himself

In this week’s blog we’re discussing the five most frequently asked questions that I get from dads about pregnancy and about moms. As a matter of fact, some of them are pretty provocative!

1. Let’s start off with the most frequently asked question, which is, am I ever going to have time with my wife again? The answer to that is yes!  But you have to put in the effort to make sure that you are prioritizing her and that she is prioritizing you. This is why in week four of the digital program, we focus on reconnecting as a couple.  When a baby comes into the picture, we have to learn to balance baby, life and intimacy.  When this new little human being comes into your life, sometimes we do forget to prioritize each other, and we forget to work on the relationship. Sometimes couples actually give up, which is really sad.

We have to make time for all the things we need to do with the baby. We need to make time to have our own self-care and alone time. We also need to make time for the relationship, for reconnecting, for dating each other, for engaging with each other and showing our gratitude to one another for becoming parents.   Find time to celebrate this new journey that you’re on together.  Eventually everything falls into place but make sure that you are putting in the effort and not leaving everything up to her.  It’s a team effort.

2. The second most frequently asked question from dads is, am I jealous of my unborn baby? I think there is such an emphasis on baby and mom, and many times dads and partners get forgotten. If this happens then you may feel jealous. Let me remind you that this is temporary.   This is not going to be the way the rest of your life and relationship and family life is going to be. Absolutely not!  Pregnancy is nine to ten months.  The first year of the baby’s life is usually pretty challenging in the sense that you’re trying to just figure out the dynamic of becoming a family. So I would say that for about two years you’ll probably be taking the back seat. A lot of the focus won’t be on you. It’s a small price to pay for gaining a family.   The thing to keep in mind is that you are an essential part of the family even if it may not feel like that.   If you’re feeling totally forgotten and you are really feeling jealous, that’s something that you should be discussing with mom.  This is a very sensitive subject, but you need to have conversations and express the way you’re feeling so that you’re not in that emotional state for too long.

3. The third most frequently asked question is, will mom ever be the same again? The answer to that is yes and no.  She may seem different because so many mothers go through this beautiful transformation when they become a mom.  I always describe it as being very similar to when you go through adolescence. Think about it, are you the same person that you were when you were a little boy compared to becoming a teenager? No, you’ve grown a lot. You’ve changed a lot. And hopefully it’s for the best. It doesn’t mean that you’re getting a whole new person. That’s not what I’m saying at all. What I’m saying is you’re probably going to get a more mature version of your partner. You’re probably going to have a really beautiful new partner who has had an amazing experience and now has transformed herself.  I do believe that people are always changing anyway. We don’t stay the same like we were when we were younger. We have different experiences that form different thoughts in our minds or help us to choose different paths in our lives. It’s normal that she’s grown into a new version of herself. It doesn’t mean that she’s the opposite of what she was when you met her. It just means that maybe some priorities have changed. Love her and accept her for who she is and she’s going to love you so much for that.

4. The fourth question, is a question that I get all the time!  Men can get freaked out when it comes to sex during pregnancy.  Usually in the second trimester because of the hormones women want sex more frequently and sometimes end up pursuing their partners because they are really in the mood.  Dad’s get really freaked out!  They don’t want to have sex because they’re thinking or having images of the baby inside of her. So the fourth question is, is my penis hitting the baby’s head when we’re having sex? And the answer is no, your penis is not hitting the baby’s head!   You don’t have to feel like you’re having a threesome with your baby because you are absolutely not!  Your baby is in an amniotic sack and is totally protected in there and your penis is not going through her cervix and up into her uterus. The baby is not getting hurt during sex. For more questions regarding sex during pregnancy read this article: “Sex during pregnancy: dads’ questions answered”.

5. The fifth question is, if we’re having sex and I ejaculate inside mom, is my sperm floating around my baby? The answer is no!  Your sperm is not getting into the amniotic sack.  Your baby is floating in amniotic fluid and your sperm is not getting in there and floating all over the place. Listen to the following podcast episode recorded with Gidget Smith, “Let’s Talk About Sex”, not only is it hilarious it will get you prepped to have fun and be intimate during pregnancy and postpartum!

All right, now I hope this helps you enjoy your sex life. Don’t be afraid that you’re hurting the baby and find some fun positions to have sex in, because sometimes that’s the difficult part, figuring out which positions work best with her new belly.

Everything is going to be cool, okay? I got your back dads!  Just make sure that you are enjoying mom, enjoy the pregnancy, and embrace this new role of being a dad and everything is really going to be totally fine!

If you have any more questions, just send me a message on your favorite social media platform. You can find me as @drdivinaLopez, I’d love to hear from you!