15 Things Partners Should Do To Support A Pregnant Mom
This blog is dedicated to the partners of pregnant moms. So often I find that they want to be involved in both the pregnancy and postpartum but don’t know what they should be doing or how to help out. Maybe you’re not sure what your role is. Let me make this as easy as possible and give you the 15 things that you need to be do in order to support mom.
The first thing that you need to know is that mom wants you to help out. Jump in there, take initiative without being asked to do something. Women love it when they see their partners helping them out. Because everything shouldn’t fall on mom anyway, to begin with. You should be paying attention to when she’s feeling frustrated or tired, especially during pregnancy she’s going to be exhausted. Maybe she’s not going to be up to, doing the dishes or cooking that day. Listen up! She’s going to let you know that she’s frustrated. She may not directly verbalize it but if you pay attention to her needs, she will spell it out for you.
Be her teammate! There are so many things that women have to give up when they’re pregnant. For example, alcohol, sushi, cold cuts, these may be some of her favorite things and she has to go without them for months. Wouldn’t it be great if you would be so supportive that you’re actually doing the same thing yourself? I know from my own experience that I became so resentful when my partner was drinking alcohol on a Friday night and I couldn’t do it too. So maybe if you are going to be drinking, then make her a nice mocktail or get her some non-alcoholic wine or something that feels like you’re still socially drinking. It is so nice to have a partner who gives up those things along with us.
Stay in the know! That means learn about pregnancy. I know that your body is not going through the changes, but this is still a team effort, so isn’t it important to understand the changes that your partner is going through? Just showing the interest makes a world of a difference. So heads up. If you want to learn about pregnancy and about all the changes, join my program, Dancing into Parenthood, where you get your copy of The Ultimate Dad’s Guide to The Delivery Room (a bonus E-book in the Dancing Into Parenthood Digital Program) to be an amazing birth partner!
Be present with your partner! I don’t just mean like emotionally present. I mean try to make it to some of the doctor visits with her. Ask her if she wants you there. Most likely she will, because this shows you are interested not only in her but also in the baby.
Observe her transformation. Let her know how beautiful she looks, how much she’s glowing. Just be there for each little chapter of the journey and point it out to her because she may not be feeling so great. She may feel uncomfortable in her new body and she may not feel as pretty or sexy anymore. But if you give her all those compliments and point out how wonderful she’s doing, she will feel amazing! This will make her feel connected to you.
Make her feel comfortable, especially at bedtime. It’s so hard to sleep with a baby in your belly, especially for moms who are back sleepers or belly sleepers. They can no longer sleep in those positions. So maybe get her a pregnancy pillow to make her comfortable. Check on her during the night, getting good rest is so important!
Be her self-care coach. Offer to give her a massage, make it part of your date night ritual. Prepare a really nice bath for her. Buy her a journal, play some really nice music. Do things to help soothe her during this entire journey that she’s going through.
Provide healthy meals and exercise. Go for walks every day. Be a partner who encourages her to stay healthy. For the 411 on a healthy pregnancy read the ODPHP article: Eat Healthy During Pregnancy: Quick tips.
Be a good listener. This is always important in a relationship. She is going to have a lot of ups and downs during this journey. Sometimes she doesn’t necessarily need you to chime in and sometimes she just needs to unload the way she’s feeling. Just let her talk and actively listen. You don’t necessarily need to say a lot of stuff, but validate the way she’s feeling.
Understand that her hormones are fluctuating up and down. That means that some days she may be happy and joyful. Other days she may be crying and very emotional. That is normal during pregnancy. I always, always talk about how pregnancy and adolescence are really similar because the changes in your body and in your hormones.
Have open and honest conversations. For example, if you really have no clue what to do, let her know that and ask her how you can help. Talk about your future together. Talk about what you want for your baby. What kind of family goals do you want? What are your relationship goals? Don’t ignore the relationship just because there’s a new family member coming in.
Make her feel special. Do this as often as possible, because sometimes with all the changes that are happening moms don’t feel like themselves. It’s great to have a partner who surprises you flowers or cooks a special meal or just calls to check up and stuff like that. Make her feel like she’s the only woman in the world. Plan like a nice weekend or something.
Create lasting memories. Take lots of photos and videos. Invite family and friends over, people that you both want to connect with before the baby arrives and make beautiful memories together. It’s such a sweet time before the baby arrives so take this opportunity to honor her and have the people that you love around.
Be a strong birth partner. If you’re up to the task of being her birth partner, knowing what to expect and what’s going to happen the day of the delivery may feel overwhelming. In Dancing into Parenthood I got your back with what I call the Ultimate Dad’s Guide to the Delivery Room and you’ll learn everything from medications, to what to expect in labor and delivery, to the nurses, the doctors, I mean everything! You’ll get all the info on natural births and C sections. I highly recommend that every birth partner reads this guide because it’s so real and raw and you will be confident on that day to advocate for mom and baby because you will be prepared.
Keep her safe and secure. I know personally I felt so vulnerable during my pregnancy. Sometimes things that a woman naturally did on a daily basis doesn’t feel that safe for mom to do anymore. For example, some women don’t feel comfortable driving anymore. So just make sure that you are stepping it up to keep her safe and secure. It’s so important that mom feels at peace. Remember your baby is feeling mom’s emotions too, so a mother who is safe and secure will allow the baby to feel the same.
Remember that this is a journey that both of you are on. It’s not just mom. She wants you there for it. I hope that this blog explained how you can be there for mom and be a great partner for her and she will love you so much more for this!